Today, January 2nd, marks the 27th anniversary of the Silver Jubilee of the amalgamation of my biologic and spiritual selves. It's my birthday and I am 52. I do not clarify because I think my Gentle Readers incapable of figuring it out. Indeed not--I know that you are all very clever and creative souls. No, I clarify because I cannot seem to wrap myself around having another birthday. I am pleased, of course, to be having one insofar as the alternative would suck.
Since my return to behind the back woods (now the frozen tundra) I have felt as though I am hovering in suspended animation. The pace of my life has slowed, my anxieties have all but vanished, and the sharp impatience I felt at the ignorance of others has softened. No, Maine is NOT Shangri-La. It is what it is--beautiful, tranquil, harsh, and real. I am at peace here and, at the same time, at loose ends. I'm still looking for my niche, my 'raison d'etre'.
In the meantime I have turned 52 whether I like it or not. Doesn't feel any different than 51. Then again, no year has felt much different since I turned 40. Sigh...... I know what to expect, I'm familiar with the drill. I will continue to look at teenagers and young adults with a "What the hell is that about?" look in my eye. I will inadvertently catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and inwardly scream "When the hell did THAT happen?"
I have heard myself utter thoughts and opinions that had been my father's rather than my own and was alarmed that I was now channeling him. I am lucky that I am not disposed to wasting time pining for my youth or yearning to be younger. I wouldn't want to go through all that again. Besides, youth and beauty are no match for age and treachery. For now I am grateful that my mind, tongue, and appetite for life are as sharp as they ever were. Honed on the whetstone of experience. That's another thing I have to be grateful for. I was never much for looks but I had a quick mind. It has served me well along my life's journey and I don't see it deserting me anytime soon.
If June will forgive my borrowing, I am aging gratefully. I have all I need to be content right here in my own personal snow-bound Shangri-La-Ti-Da. I know my niche is just around the corner. It's always good--no matter how many birthdays you're blessed with--to have something to look forward to. I know, deep down, that I am my own 'raison d'etre'.
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Happy birthday a day late!
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly welcome to "aging gratefully"; I didn't invent the words, after all.
It's a relief, isn't it? to be reasonably content with knowing that life, like Maine, is mostly "beautiful, tranquil, harsh, and real." And that, despite those damn mirrors' and store windows' shocking reflections, you're more you than you have ever been before?
As for your niche, don't bother looking for it until May. It's probably around the corner buried in a snowbank.
Thank you, June! It's funny--I've always been able to find contentment in just about any locale or situation and have always been puzzled that others were so dissatisfied when it appeared to me they had a pretty good set-up.
ReplyDeleteAnymore I sometimes wish to go trendy and become a vampire so reflections would no longer be an issue.
My niche--well, I'll recognize it when I fall into it probably, Around the corner, over the river and through the woods. Right now all I can see is the world's largest snow cone!
Happy Birthday.Ageing a bit disgracefully too we hope.
ReplyDeleteI've always been a bit like a snail or a hermit crab, able to make a home anywhere and be content with it.
A little 'cheeky' to be sure, but always with panache! It takes a certain talent to make a home out of a dwelling. I knew you had 'it' after reading through a number of your posts. Isn't it nice to know we are not alone?
ReplyDeleteMay God grant you many years!
ReplyDeleteLove from the cold Texas swamp bowl.
Lady H--you entered right on cue!! If there's anyone who knows how to transform a living space into an idyll, it's you!! Thanks for the kind wishes and the swampy Lone Star love. Chilly or not, I'll take it. Right back atcha with a snow cone!
ReplyDeleteIndeed!In this crazy world to not be alone and find kindred spirits is very precious.
ReplyDelete"A treasure beyond the cost of pearls....."
ReplyDelete