Sunday, September 26, 2010

Bon Voyage, Persephone!

Fall at last, Fall at last, thank God almighty, it's Fall at last! Now that Persephone has departed for her Autumnal sojourn Down Under (where she is making a spectacular comeback), We have arrived at the most breathtaking time of year in Maine. The hills are already choosing their hues for the Fall Fashion extravaganza and the air is crisp with anticipation.

On a closer-to-home and more personal level, Fall is presenting me with a much longed-for opportunity for revenge. Now that the climate has reinvented itself those carnivorous raspberry and blackberry vines are a little less full of themselves. I sharpen my pruning shears in full view of them. I can sense their arrogance and fight have waned. All summer long as I mowed along their borders they consistently harassed and violated me despite every effort to avoid and not provoke them. The old saying says that revenge is better when served cold. Well, it's been a month or so chilling on the sill and about to be dished up. Bwa ha ha ha! They are insidious. They constantly ignore the fencing erected in a treaty agreement--'This is the line, you can have everything on that side and I get everything on this side'. They tunnel beneath to spring up in open lawn. They parachute over and attack all comers. Arrogance. Cocky, narcissistic arrogance. I had the same agreement with the sumac grove. They adhered politely. The same was true with the golden rod and rhubarb. But not the berries. Oh no, not them. From the start they attempted to usurp my authority and overthrow my government. Mother Nature had other priorities so there was no appeal. They entered into an axis of evil with the birds. The berries bribed them with food in exchange for smuggling their seeds to the far reaches of my realm whereupon they sprouted, thus dividing my attention and energies. The retribution I have in mind for them would be less severe had they been as generous with their fruit with my household as they were with the birds. Their all-consuming intent on the conquest of my lawn and resolve cost them their entire inventory. It will prove to be a hollow victory. As the temperature dips my vindictiveness rises. The day of reckoning approaches!

11 comments:

  1. Blackberries are a guilt inducing fruit. I feel guilty for not picking them in their abundance and making them into jam and pies, and I feel guilty for not destroying their invading noxious prickly bushes which endanger native species with their Asian presence. So go for it! Terminate them!

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  2. Oh dear!!! I hope revenge will be very sweet.Perhaps you culd get a goat, the only known animal to destroy blackberry bushes willingly and enthusiastically.

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  3. I think I'm the only person in the northeast US who is not hungering for cool weather. You have your revenge to exact; I suppose that's helpful.

    In a second reading, I see a little children's story here for the xenophobes among us.

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  4. That is a snagglely bunch you are taking on .. watch out for their claws...

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  5. You know, I think I commented but it may have been from Julie's laptop and her browser is weird. Any ol dang way, I know you will win the war ;-)

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  6. Mother nature has sent an abundance of rain to cool my vindictive jets temporarily. The vines have turned a beautiful crimson (from shame and embarrassment I should think) and it makes me want to delay the reckoning.

    I do not intend to eliminate them entirely. My great grandparents planted the vines over 120 years ago and they are part of my childhood memories. I want to push them back to within their original domain. Having been an absentee gardener for 33 years they had the opportunity to run amok and they did. I have shiny new leather work gloves and two boxes of band aids. The clock is ticking!

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  7. A beekeeper's hat! You need a beekeeper's hat! Don't start until you have that on your head!
    What if a cane whips back and lacerates your cornea????
    Or, maybe just goggles would do, huh?

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  8. Hey! I have a pith helmet (I know, big surprise) and some mosquito netting from my last trip to Honduras. If I combined the two and did a tasteful drape effect......Does anyone have rhinestone studded goggles they're not using?

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  9. Save the rhinestones for the gloves.
    Think of the pretty sparkles as your begloved (where's an accent egut when you need one...or a circonflex, for that matter?) chop and hack!!!

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  10. Oh.
    That would be an accent grave, wouldn't it.
    Never mind.

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