Tuesday, February 23, 2010

FAQ's and SVR's--Epilogue

Greetings once again, all you faithful fans of the phenomenal Lord Wellbourne! We experienced some technical difficulty with our broadcast transmission yesterday as some of you may have noticed. But with the astute application of duct tape, super glue, chewing gum, and an odd bobby pin or two, I believe the tweaking of the ISP has been successful.

SVR--You neglected to mention the Play-Dough.

FAQ--Indeed. Thank you for remembering.

SVR--Your welcome. My pleasure.

FAQ--Lord Wellbourne, I had a few follow-up questions I hoped you would be good enough to answer.

SVR--Certainly. Go for it.

FAQ--Thank you. Going back to your acting career, was it an easy or difficult pursuit for you?

SVR--Easy insofar as it was something I loved doing. Difficult because I really had to put more effort into it than many of my fellow actors.

FAQ--How so?

SVR--I was not blessed genetically with either height or classic good looks. If you are tall and handsome you don't have to go to too much trouble to be noticed on stage. If, like me, you are under 6 feet tall and are never confused for Brad Pitt, you have to emote and project in a way that gets you noticed and heard. But not too much or else you're accused of up-staging. It's a delicate balance and it takes a great deal of concentration to maintain.

FAQ--After our last interview several of your Gentle Readers asked after your health.

SVR--That is very kind of them.

FAQ--In particular they referred to your comment about the congenital heart defect. What is the status of that condition now?

SVR--Non-existent. It worked itself out while I was in my twenties. Other than a few trifling inconveniences my health is quite good. Especially since I've returned to the fresh, clean air of Maine.

FAQ--You stay very trim despite a rather sedentary lifestyle. What's your secret?

SVR--I eat whole foods and maintain a balanced diet. Keeping house to my mother's satisfaction is a work-out regimen that even Body By Jake never dreamed of.

FAQ--Lord Wellbourne, this being February, the month for lovers, do you have any advice for the romantically inclined?

SVR--Pray that January never ends.

FAQ--No, but seriously.

SVR--I hardly think I could be considered having any authority on THAT subject.

FAQ--Any thoughts at all?

SVR--Well, I did hear someone say once that relationships are a fifty/fifty proposition. I contend that that is either bad arithmetic or the recipe for a doomed romance.

FAQ--Really? Sounds right and proper to me.

SVR--Are you currently in a happy, successful relationship then?

FAQ--Um....no, actually, I'm not.

SVR--I rest my case.

FAQ--What would your 'closing argument' be in that 'case'?

SVR--Only this: if each person in the relationship is contributing 50% then each is only investing half of their time and effort into it. Pardon the phrase but it's a half-assed approach to attaining a much desired goal in which you hope to reap maximum returns. At that rate you can only expect to be happy 50% of the time and something completely different the other half of the time. Personally, I'd prefer a better percentage. I recommend that each party consider investing at least 70% of themselves to the objective. Certainly no more than 80%. Everyone should hold back just a little in order to have reserves to call upon in time of greater need. Besides, a little mystery is healthy in any relationship.

FAQ--Is there an easy way to know if a person is right for you?

SVR--That depends on what you want out of the relationship. There is a seemingly harmless way to get an insightful clue. Play a game of Monopoly with your hearts' desire. In the course of the game you will observe how they handle money--haphazardly or prudently. You will see how generous or greedy they are when you land on one of their hotels and you're financially embarrassed. Ultimately you will learn by the game's conclusion if they're a good sport or a bad loser/winner. Do they rub your nose in their victory? Do they pout or do they laugh off their defeat? It's a very enlightening experience.

FAQ--That's an amazing idea!

SVR--Well, don't act so surprised, for heaven's sake. Life, the board game, is too predictable. Monopoly isn't. The financial aspect opens windows into traits that are otherwise kept behind closed doors.

FAQ--Lord Wellbourne, what's next for you? Where do you go from here?

SVR--Specifically--to dinner, to my studio, and then to bed. Generally--I haven't a notion. I'll send you a postcard when I get there.

FAQ--Lord Wellbourne, it has been an immense honour for me to bring your story to the world!

SVR--And it's been great fun for me as well. I hope the world will feel the same.

That, Gentle Readers, concludes this awe-inspiring historical encounter with the incomparable, devastatingly debonair, Lord Wellbourne. We hope you have enjoyed it as much as we've enjoyed bringing it to you. Stay tuned for upcoming interviews with such personalities as Pope Benedict XVI, George Clooney, and Madonna. We can only hope that those interviews will be as fascinating as this was. Until then, this is Iam Nosy signing off.


  1. I'm totally enthralled like fer sure.

  2. Keep those cards and letters coming!! Autographs require a SASE.

  3. Well thank you so much for these amazing
    insights.Please no interviews with the most boring woman on earth or those chaps whoever they are.Can't we have someone like LW's Mother who no doubt would have something fascinating and insightful to teach us.

  4. Lord Wellbourne's mother does indeed have endless (and I stress the word) anecdotes and words of advice to share. However, she doesn't always know when to stop sharing or when to listen. She is a fascinating woman--especially when she's channeling Eva Peron and Mother Theresa at the same time. She is certainly never dull. She is the Gandhi of Granny's.

  5. I am awed by anybody who can say that they enjoy getting up in front of people and performing. Confidence such as I have never known!

    I'm sure that playing Monopoly would indeed provide insights into character. The chief insight to be gained from inviting me to play would be that I haven't the patience to wait out the end of that interminable game!