Friday, July 9, 2010

Fried Pride And Pine Nuts

Aerum Centralis is an invasive species. It is native to areas south of New Hampshire and west of Vermont. It most often makes its way this far north when people of Southern origin move here and build new homes. It is better known by its common name: Central Air. The next house that gets built around here with central air is going to have me as a live-in welcoming committee until September. Then it will be ME who's the 'invasive species'. And I warn you, I'm not that easy to eradicate.

Honestly, the demon-spawned twins--Heat and Humidity--have nearly driven me to distraction. In Texas I had central air. In Maine I have windows. Texas wins. I feel like a gardenia corsage three days after the prom. This time last year I was plotting out a rice paddy in the back yard. Today I'm contemplating a cactus and yucca hedgerow. This extraordinary heat keeps one in a continuous state of inelegance. The cats are strewn about various pieces of furniture on the porch like something Salvador Dali would have painted. I have so many fans going it feels like I'm in a Celine Dion music video. You know it's hot when deer are bold enough to come into your yard and drink from the bird bath--while you're weeding a flower bed ten feet away.

It's supposed to rain this weekend. Lordy, how we need it! On the other hand, She- Who-Must-Be-Endured is reveling in this Saharan nightmare. She is perpetually cold and now she is finally 'comfortable'. The rest of civilization is drowning in its own perspiration but she is rising like Venus on a clam-shell from the permafrost. I do believe that this is the first time in my existence that I have ever envied the frozen fish fillets in my freezer.

I know it's unseasonably hot in other places and I feel for my Gentle Readers living wherever they are. For my friends living in the Southern Hemisphere and who are experiencing Winter---please send a self-addressed, postage paid cargo container to Fernbrook Court ASAP. I'll reimburse you immediately upon arrival. And, please, no fish sticks for dinner. I'll settle for an Eskimo Pie.


  1. Then the only question that remains is what wouldn't you do for a Klondike bar?

  2. Oh the poor LW! Sprawled inelegantly I cannot imagine.And the irritation of one who does not feel the same, but is revelling can be a major cause of disagreement,matricide or insanity.
    I too live without CentralAir, I imagine it's what we call "Ducted aircon".There are techniques!
    To survive - wear little and make it cotton,
    live with a wet flannel on the back of the neck, drink plenty and make it water, short,sharp showers often, don't expend energy on anything, accept all social invitations, venture to the shops for supplies frequently and stay awhile, buy a child's paddling pool for moments of extreme desparation, fans and don't forget it will all be over soon!.And think of your pores!

  3. love the Salvador Dali description of your cats, Lord W.. I can absolutely see them as if I was there..

    You certainly have a way with words!!

  4. I heard the NE was getting a terrible heat wave but I had no idea that Texas weather came up there to annoy you. Unfortunately it has just spread itself around as it is also still here. Von's right, cools showers help. At least I still have electricity and the fans are working, unlike when we get a hurricane and have no electricity for a week. Hang in there, we survived it before, we shall again.

  5. Red:--What wouldn't I do? Hmmm.....Anything that required being more than three feet off the ground without a safety net and paramedic team standing by. Or anything to do with spiders. Other than those two stipulations I'm pretty open to suggestions.

    Von:--Check, check, and check. I must say, I have often pondered taking a page from Nero's play book of parental relations.

    Gwen:--Greetings to the fabulous 'belle femme' of Fundy! My fur children are somewhat recovered from their oozing lethargy. Would that I could bend and twist the way they do! And look that good draped over surfaces.

    Lady H.:--From hoarfrost to hell and back. The climate of Maine leaves one bewildered as to the rhyme and or reason of any season. And, in spite of it all, I love it!

  6. Now you've got the jingle in your head..."What would you do-o-o for a Klondike bar".

  7. Why wasn't I notified of this post?!?!?!!!!!
    Or, maybe I was, and was too heat-stupefied to note it...

  8. There's gotta be a block somewhere between you and me--computer-wise that is......There's certainly no mental block that I'm aware of.